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Louie (Vicki's dog) Says

If Dogs Send Letters to God...

Dear God,

When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?

When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God, These are just some of the things I must remember (in order to keep my present living arrangements):

  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
  • I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
  • I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not tell them.
  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
  • I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with them.
  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  • I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  • I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
  • The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply, and just because the water is blue, doesn't mean it's cleaner.
  • I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my rear end can quickly clear a room.